Things my mother taught me...

Things my mother taught me My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION "You better pray that it will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me REASON "Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident"
My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen
THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times--Don't exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY! "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION "Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING "You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about SEX "How do you THINK you got here?"
My Mother taught me about GENETICS "You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite...
My Mother taught me about JUSTICE "One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!

The Magic of Aamir

Since the time Aamir was discovered as an actor, I have been watching his movies. I still remember his pathetic dialogue delivery in Raakh and Holi (if I'm not wrong), with his mouth opening wide as if to gulp down all the dialogues. Then came Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak and all those teenaged girls started dreaming about him. Even we used to collect one rupee each and hire video cassettes. I have seen them all. Deewana Mujhsa Nahin, Jawani Zindabad, Dil, Baazi, Tum Mere Ho, Andaaz Apna Apna (umpteen times), Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke... et al.
Both me and my brother advocated Aamir movies to friends who were not his fans. We somehow managed to pull them into the fan club that comprised me, my bro, Sheeba, Cynthia, Dinesh, Heena, Babitha and Stella. We would hire a cassette and meet at my place. Then we grew up. Babitha passed away. Sheeba and Cynthia, the older girls had already finished college. Dinesh dropped out of school and joined his father in his garage. I had also stepped out of school to walk into college. Things changed, but our hero remained the same. My father bought a new house. We drifted away from our friends. We became closer to our school and college friends. Sel, Ranji, Vandy, Rakhi, Deepa became a very important part of my new world. Guess what? One thing was definitely common. The magic of Aamir still reigned supreme. I fell in love with Raj, another Aamir fan (even if he wasn't one I would still have loved him). In those blissful days of romance, we painted a rosy picture, watching Raja Hindustani, with an over made-up Aamir and a pampered Karishma. I sat close to my beau, held his hand, when suddenly I felt this urge to dedicate the song 'Aaye Ho Meri Zindagi Mein Tum Bahar Banke (Oh my God! Did we actually do that?) I always had this wish to meet him, to talk to him...and i can't really believe that i'm a member of his blog. Pinch!Pinch! Oh Aamir...u've come such a long way...i've come such a long way...things have come such a long way!

The English Teacher

I was too young to construe things that happened around me. But, I knew that I idolised my English teacher. For me, she was the sweetest person on earth.
We always had English teachers, who spoke with heavy Malayalam accents. It was indeed remarkable that the school managed to consistently hire such teachers. And then, there was a miracle...Ms. Priya D'Cunha, from St. Xavier's College, Dhobi Talao. She was a dream come true for me. I adored the way she read the text. Slowly, she started becoming a part of my world. I aspired to be like her, speak like her, read like her. I was elated to know that her b'day fell on the same day as mine.
I observed every gesture of hers. I spent hours in front of the mirror, trying to imitate Ms. D'Cunha. It was decided...I wanted to be like her.
One day, I overheard her having an altercation with someone, over the phone. My favourite teacher's voice rose and fell. I knew something was wrong. But, in the class Ms. D'Cunha was calm and composed as ever, with the serenity looming large on her face. And it was this serenity that allayed my fears.
The next day, Ms. D'Cunha was absent. I felt worried. None of the other teachers knew much about her. Days stretched into weeks and weeks into months. Its been 12 years, since I lost my English teacher.
But yes, I am sure, she'll be proud to see me. I am an English teacher for the last five years....and also a favourite among my students.

five point someone...and a tale of upset stomach

I have known my husband for the last eleven years. A few months of friendship, six years of courtship and 5 years of marriage. I was always amazed at how he could finish reading exactly 18 pages (maximum 19), of any book that he bought. He loves reading books written by the so-called management gurus (the stuff in which they teach you to do everything, leading to nothing)... not that he doesn't now, but he has begun enjoying other literature too. Thanks to his best half for that.

Then began the saga of 'Five Point Someone' by an IITian called Chetan Bhagat. For the first time in life, my darling hubby could digest a whole book...due to the indigestive process in his stomach.

Yeah, thats true!!!

I'm sorry Chetan, if you are reading this. Well, it's not about the upset stomach that I am about to rave about, but your funny book. As usual, we both left home in the morning. He went for a fag as I waited outside the provision store, advising him about the ill-effects of smoking, hoping that it would have some effect. I had stopped mentioning the 'Boiling Frog Syndrome', maybe it didn't make much sense to smokers to know if the frog was boiled to death or not. Then, we proceeded to the clubhouse and got ourselves enrolled for the fitness programme. Thats when all the churning began. We rushed back home and decided to skip office for the day. For me, skipping office meant working from home as I had to meet deadlines. But my hubby could afford to relax, after all he was self-employed. He picked up 'Five Point Someone' and then what I heard were bouts of laughter.

Did the loosies travel the wrong direction? Did it get into his head? What was it?

Quietly opening the door, I peeped in. He was rolling on the bed, laughing hysterically. I realised that it was Venkat and Alok. They were responsible for the hysteria. They followed my husband to the loo several times. They accompanied him for a light lunch. They followed him for an afternoon nap. And finally they left. My hubby finished reading the book in a record-breaking three hours. Thanks to Chetan for writing a book that made for such an interesting read that someone like my sweetheart could read the whole book and not just 18 pages.

Math...not my forte

There was an article in the newspaper which stated that a person's finger lengths could speak volumes about his/her interests. One of them was that a person with an index finger longer than the ring finger will surely be more inclined towards literature and less likely to have numerical abilities. 

I don't know if it was the play of fingers or plain disinterestedness that made me lethargic in Math class, but I do remember all those teachers who caused the latter. 

As a little girl,  I was very good in Math (maybe my index finger was malnourished). In fact I used to score full marks. Then Ms. Sleeping Beauty took charge as our new Math teacher. I never understood what she taught beause she hardly taught anything. I guess she used to prepare for the class all throughout the night and sleep while she was supposed to deliver the lecture. But my prayers were answered...a knight in mundu-jubba saved us by marrying her and taking her to Far Far Away Land. 

Then came Raj Kumar (not the actor, but a teacher who spoke exactly like him). Before he could take charge as our new Math teacher, the Principal called a friend and me to his cabin and informed us of the new addition to the teaching staff. With a warning note as the final sign off, "Please don't giggle when he speaks." 

????

There he came...dressed in white n white, with three buttons of his shirt open, grey strands of hair covering his head...very very filmy...but a terrific teacher. By then it was too late. The worst had come true and now it was the ring finger that wasn't getting nourishment. We had only six months to go for our board exams and the damage had already been done. I had started detesting the subject. But I do remember that teacher who always called me Lakshmi or Saraswati. When I used to correct him saying that I was Parvathy, he would say that how does it matter, they are all Goddesses.


photo credit:
Mykl Roventine via photopin cc